Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Religious humor?

I have to vent about something.

Much to my horror, a college friend sent me an e-mail forward today that had some Christian "humor" in it. It never ceases to amaze me how self-righteous and egocentric, culture-centric, religion-centric (and many other "centric" words) those Christian fundamentalists are.

Get a clue! Not everyone believes the same as you do! Why, when speaking of religion, do they assume that "religion" only means Christianity? And radical Christianity at that??

They piss me off. Bad.

From the email (I'm not editing it - apparently they should spend more time paying attention in English class and less time at camp revivals denouncing everyone):

*Funny how simple it is for people to trash God . and then wonder why the world is in the condition it istoday....
*Funny how we believe what the newspapers say... but question what the Bible says...
*Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven... provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says…. or is it scary?
*Funny how someone can say "I believe in God"... but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes"in God).
*Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire... but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, you think twice about sharing.
*Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freelythrough cyberspace... but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and work place.
*Funny, isn't it? Funny how someone can be so fired up forChrist on Sunday... but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. Are you laughing?
*Funny how when you go to forward this message... you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe... or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
*Funny how I can be more worried about what other people thinkof me... ... than what God thinks of me. Are you thinking?


RESPONSE FROM KIDDO (Too deep not to pass on):
* The newspaper was written today. Your Christian bible is a creation myth. An ancient effort of a bunch of guys to justify their existence on this earth. "There has to be some reason why we're here!" Why should everyone believe what *your* bible says? Maybe you should read my bible, the menu at any local bar, and follow that to a T? Sound good?? What if I force you to??

* So now I have to do what *your* bible says in order to get to "heaven?" Lady -- didn't you listen to Warrant when they sang, "heaven isn't too far away --- Closer to it every day -- no matter what your friends say!!" Duhhh....who needs your sermons when you can just follow the preaching of Jani Lane?!

* We don't discuss Jesus at school or work because they're public places. Ever hear of the seperation between church and state? Put down the King James version and pick up a f*ing history book, bitch. Or better yet, the U.S. Constitution and/or Bill of Rights. Besides, not everyone worships Jesus. GAWD-ah!!

* You know people who are "fired up about Christ. Only on Sunday."?? Yeah, well I'm an excellent driver. Only on Sundays. 4 minutes till Whoppner.


I feel better, thanks. Carry on.


  • crack me up! I find that I un-friend those types...and it makes me feel bad but what's a girl to do?
    *This*, is classic..."Why should everyone believe what *your* bible says? Maybe you should read my bible, the menu at any local bar, and follow that to a T?" I just don't know how to tell my parents I am a follower of "Kiddo" LOL

    By Blogger walktrotcanter, at 9:58 PM  

  • Looks like you may have many followers! Tx

    By Blogger boy wonder?, at 3:39 AM  

  • I'm not a follower of any religion. And I'm pretty sure I can't be a follower of "Kiddo" either for fear it would only lead to AA (I'll get there soon enough as it is), jail (I haven't taken criminal procedure yet), fired, kicked out of law school, and make me a target of every evangelical person of every religion out there. And if one of them catches me when I'm smashed, lord only knows what sort of crazy cult they'll have me joining because when I'm smashed I get convinced to do the stupidest things. I could be at the airport with my head shaved passing out flowers. I just don't think I'd look good bald.

    By Blogger hot babe, at 7:23 AM  

  • You're hilarious. I get those types of crappy e-mails from my Grandma all the time. And even though it's my grandma...I still feel like sending her a nasty e-mail back afterwards as well.

    I could follow you Kiddo, but only if the initiation ritual includes throwing a drink in someone's face.

    By Blogger lynne, at 7:28 AM  

  • In these situations, I always think of 2 bumper stickers that I once saw on the same car. Both deal with the same subject:

    1. I'm sorry I missed church. I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

    2. I don't hate god. It's his sales people I can't stand.

    By Blogger ab, at 10:43 AM  

  • Ugh, religion........

    You've been tagged : )

    I promise I'll NEVER do this again.

    By Blogger potusol, at 2:29 PM  

  • Yuck. Bible beaters make me want to wretch. How about this one:

    "Isn't it funny how I claim to believe in jesus and follow his teachings, but in reality I'm a shallow judgemental half-wit who can't feel good about myself without making myself seem more righteous than others?"

    By Blogger dan, at 4:33 PM  

  • That Jani Lane comment is hilarious. Have you seen celebrity fit club? He's a hot mess!

    Oh and f those bible thumpers!

    By Blogger Biglug, at 7:16 PM  

  • But Kiddo, what if Microsoft/Old Navy/ sends me $100 for each person I forward to, and the American Cancer Society will be able to cure 6-year old Isabella, and, God forbid, I implode/explode unless I forward the e-mail to 10 or 15 "friends" within one hour of receiving it???? I mean, honestly, the Divine Internet Chain Letter Christian Freaks are probably the only souls out there looking after my sorry ass! Now, go check your inbox. I just forwarded you a really cool inspirational Power Point with mountains and kittens and sunsets and oceans and shit...

    By Blogger zeppgoddess, at 7:47 PM  

  • Sing it sista!

    By Blogger katie, at 9:37 AM  

  • So what happens if you're wrong? What is Jesus is who he says he is?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:54 AM  

  • "What if Jesus is who he says he is??" Ummm...did you talk to him??

    Anyway, it's not about my being right or wrong - I just think people encompassing all religion to fit their specific faith/beliefs are wrong.

    Whatever happened to the Golden Rule....Do unto others? So there!!

    By Blogger Kiddo78, at 2:11 PM  

  • Whatever happened to the "Golden Rule"? It's still the bible. Luke 6:31 "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I came across your blog by blog jumping (next blog button). I'm a Christian, but not offended by your writings. Amused and always interested in the thoughts of others. I try not to judge and I hope you won't judge all Christians by the actions and voices of only some. Keep writing and keep an open mind. You're funny and insightful.
    Mom of 3

    By Anonymous Jackie, at 7:42 PM  

  • So what happens to you (Anonymous) if Kiddo is right? What if JC is not who everyone says he is?

    By Blogger Ang, at 12:28 AM  

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