Kiddo78

Friday, December 17, 2004

Holiday Memories

I've been having a really uneventful week; haven't even argued with any type of store clerk or any of my candidates, thus nothing to Blog about. So I thought of a story instead. And it's a true story that involves me being mortified and wasted at the same time...

Picture it -- New Year's Eve 1993 (about to turn 1994). Rural Kasson, a tiny town in SE Minnesota near Kiddo's hometown of Dodge Center, at a farm house of a wild girl. Her parents are in town drinking at the local bar. It's freezing, freezing cold. The house is full of drunk teenagers - mostly from Kasson. Kiddo is 15, a sophomore in high school. And really, really drunk. He stumbles to a bathroom and is kneeling in front of toilet (in the dark), patiently waiting for the vomit to come forth, gently swaying. Suddenly two guys burst in and say, "The cops are here, dude - just stay in here and don't open the door!" The vomit is even scared away. Brilliantly, Kiddo decides to escape the bathroom rather than hide as suggested by the more wise 17 year-olds. He somehow spies a window. He manages to climb into the bathtub with thoughts of fleeing from the dreaded fuzz. He falls sideways, but still manages to land face first into the tub's water spout. It hurts. The air is really bothering his nerves as he disgustedly spits out bits of teeth. Kiddo manages to climb out of the tub. He exits the bathroom and has only the strength to push past the cop-panicked teens, so much like rats trying to exit a burning chamber. He boldly swings open the kitchen door and makes his exit from the house. One step out the door, he is welcomed by a patch of ice. Face first into ice and gravel Kiddo goes. Although his head is pounding, his hands and wrists are bloodied by gravel, and he's nearly blinded by drunkeness and a flashlight pointed directly at him, he can make out the two black boots of someone standing right in front of him. Kiddo manages to slowly look up at the boot wearer/source of light and decides this person oddly resembles the cop Trihey (small town kids know all the cops). Kiddo knows he must explain.

Kiddo: "It'sh really shlippery out tonight..."

Cop Trihey: "Yeah. It'd help if you weren't so shit-faced."

Trihey proceeded to step over Kiddo and into the house. Dumbfounded and suddenly sober, Kiddo is scraped off the driveway by the two 17-year-olds and peers at his friends at the end of the driveway in a car yelling, "C'mon -- hurry!!" Kiddo is dragged to the car and is saved. They go to Subway and Kiddo sits as they eat. Later they return to the damaged, but re-started party and eventually pass out.

The next morning Kiddo gets a ride home from giggling friends. When he is in the bathroom, he is glad to see that someone had written "VIRGIN" on his forehead in blue marker. And "BOOZE" on his cheek. His teeth didn't hurt much anymore. A couple were chipped a little. Oh well, he thought...There's always the Showcase Showdown.


EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK, "HEALTHY TEENAGE LIVING" (c) 2004

ADDENDUM: Nearly three years later, as a freshman at Winona State, some guy, always grinning, says hi to Kiddo each time their paths cross on campus. Kiddo has no idea who this strange, but really cute, guy is. They finally meet again at a bar. Kiddo asks who the hell he is and it turns out to be Eric - one of the 17-year-olds from Kasson who helped Kiddo escape the fateful New Year's party leading into 1994...They remain friends.

5 Comments:

  • Owch! I was holding my mouth reading that story!

    Did it take a while for you to drink again after that?

    By Blogger Robert, at 7:32 AM  

  • Holy hell, I can't stop laughing! OK, so I guess I'm not as caring as Robert because I found you spitting your bits of teeth out to just make me laugh. And the interaction with the cop- "It'd help if you weren't so shit-faced"- only made me laugh harder. And then the pinacle- "virgin" & "booze" written on your face- I think that's when I really lost it. I love this story. And I think I need to meet the 17 yr old because I'd *love* to hear his version...

    By Blogger hot babe, at 10:35 AM  

  • Holy crap!
    That is the best worst story I've ever heard.
    I've really taken Cop Trihey's words to heart-I bet a lot of the things I do would be helped if I weren't so shit-faced...good to know.

    By Blogger lynne, at 7:47 AM  

  • Thanks, Robert...Knowing me I probably drank again the following weekend. Always one to learn a lesson! HotBabe, I'd like to get Eric's side too - too bad I only see him about once every couple years...!

    By Blogger Kiddo78, at 5:58 PM  

  • its a nice story and keep it blog of this type of story

    By Anonymous promnow, at 2:06 PM  

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