Friday, February 10, 2006

I've been a bad boy...

Good thing it's not Christmastime because Santa would certainly be putting little checks by name. I 'been bad lately!

It all started last weekend. I was actually pretty good on Friday, but then Danny and I went to an after-bar at some dude's condo. Danny said something that apparently angered me because I did my famous move. That's right, folks, I slapped him. Hard. Then some old Bear guy pushed me down for slapping Danny (NOTE: for you non-gays, a Bear is a term for an older, hairy gay dude) . I laughed. All was fine after that. I think I made out with the owner of the condo. He's at least 45...So, yeah...Good one.

Saturday, Danny and I left the condo at about noon and proceeded to a bar in Uptown called The C.C. Club. Danny and Jeff have been kicked out of there before. It's all vague to me, but we got kicked out. I think it was Danny's fault to be honest. He can get really loud when he's drunk. In response to being kicked out, I slammed my glass on the floor and smashed it good. We gathered our coats and stumbled out of there victoriously.

We went to a liquor store and picked up a case of beer. Proceeded to my apartment (that's in desperate need of a good scrubbing) and watched Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? for the 8 millionith time. E. Taylor has such good one-liners in that picture show. Apparently a little of Martha (E. Taylor) was implanted in my brain. More on that later.

Danny fell asleep on the couch and I began to watch Cat on a Hot Tin Roof with E. Taylor and a hot 1958 Paul Newman. I fell asleep in the chair. My friend from high school, Jamie, called and said she was downtown at a new Mexican restaurant/bar called MASA. I agreed to meet her. I was obliterated by this point, but managed to pull myself together enough to walk to the bus stop. This is at about 8:00. I sat there with Jamie and her friend as they drank Cosmos and I guzzled water and tried not to slide out of the bar stool.

I started to tell them that a bartender down the street at the News Room Restaurant/Bar was in the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous and he was also the bartender at my favorite college bar in Winona, Bullseye. Everyone called him Otter then, but I don't know his real name. Anyway, If you know the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous, he's the bartender at the end who makes out with Loretta (Allison Janney) after he catches an olive in his mouth. He's really cute.

The News Room - Nicollet Ave - Minneapolis

So, we trot down the street to the News Room. Otter wasn't working, but oddly enough, happened to be there as a patron. We waved. He's still cute. I've talked to him once since college - he said he remembered me coming in to Bullseye a lot back then. Great -- bartenders remember me. I had had quite enough of water and decided to order a great big martini. Bad mistake. That's pretty much the last thing I remember about the evening.

The rest is all hear-say.

Apparently some guy sat next to Jamie, her friend and me at the bar and kept looking at us.
Kiddo: What're *you* lookin' at??
Guy: I dunno.
Kiddo: Well, who the hell are *you?*
Guy: I dunno.
Kiddo: Yeah?? Well, I do. You're a NOBODY!!!! Ya hear me? A NOBODY!!

Shortly thereafter, Jamie and friend were leaving and I said, "I'm staying right here. Now order me a drink!"

Jamie said I did agree to leave with them and I caught a cab. But did I take it home? Oh no. I felt the need to go to The 19 Bar by my house. Danny had since woken up and went there to find me. He was with my friend/neighbor, Mike.

Apparently I sat at the bar and yelled at anyone who walked by. The bartenders were like, "Kiddo...knock it off..." And I said, "Ahhhh....leave me alone ya bastards..." Danny went outside to smoke and some guy came up to him and said, "That friend of yours is really *angry*..."

I left on my own accord and walked home. I fell down three times. I remember laying in the snow and being terrified that I wouldn't be able to wake up and I'd freeze to death. Luckily I somehow managed to get to the apartment and fit the key in the door. It's a miracle.

WHAT A DUMBASS!!!! more drinking all day and mixing beer with martinis. Not good at all....

So then Tuesday I was running late and got to work 20 minutes late. Not good either.

Wednesday night I got a call from Danny at 2:30 a.m. slurring that he was at The 19 Bar and was coming over to drink beer and talk. I told him he woke me up and to take a cab. He said, "I hate you, you F#cker..." He proceeded to keep calling & calling. Then I awoke to my door buzzer incessantly ringing. I finally let him in and told him to crash on the couch - that I was going to bed and had to work in the morning. The first thing he did was to come in my room and think we were going to chat. I told him to get the hell out. After telling him that a few more times, he stumbled to the refridgerator, grabbed 5 beers and walked out the door. I got up, told him to get the hell back in the apartment and crash on the couch. This happened three times. The third time, I grabbed the beer from him, pushed him and said, "Fine - getting a f#cking DUI then, idiot..." slammed and locked the door. He kept knocking and knocking and yelling, "Kiiiiidoooo!" Hoping he hadn't woken any neighbors, I let him back in and *screamed* at him to stay the f#ck out of my room and crashing on the goddamn couch. A few minutes later, I heard him rustling through the fridge again and walk out the door. I waited a few minutes, then called him:
Kiddo: You just came over here b/c you knew I had beer, you f#cker. You didn't need a place to crash your drunk ass. Ya know what?? Lose my number and lose it for good. Also, have fun in jail because I'm...calling...the...f#ckiinggggg....COPS!!!!!!!"

I haven't talked to him since. I don't really care to.

Went to The 19 Bar last night with a new friend of mine, Greg, who's a Michigan native and 27. He's cute, but really would rather just be friends. The 19 Bar was kinda boring (I was thinking maybe they wouldn't let me in, but they did...), so we went to The Bolt. We went back to my house and talked for a long time. I even pulled out the ol' h.s. yearbooks....lord....then we made out.

I overslept for work today and my boss was mad. He made fun of me for it this afternoon, though.

I'm so going to hell. Or the Betty Ford Center. First, I'm meeting an old co-worker at a bar for happy hour.

As Dolly Parton sings, "Here you come again...."


  • I was getting a bit tipsy just from reading this! Somehow I don't know if Virginia Woolfe is the best movie to be watching for I love the guy who told your friend you seemed angry...that cracked me up.

    By Blogger walktrotcanter, at 7:09 AM  

  • OMG, kiddo, I love your crazy ass! You make drama sound so fun! I was laughing out loud at the part where you slammed your glass on the ground for being kicked out of the bar. I would have done the same thing, my dear, had I been that drunk. As for the "I'm going to hell" part...I think it's going to take a whole lot more than that to get you there. So what if you telling some random guy he's a "NOBODY" isn't exactly's damn funny to me! ;o) So glad you are back to posting regularly again!

    By Blogger AmyD, at 1:43 PM  

  • I think I am going to start a bail fund for when finally go out one night. That way Twinkie can come get us when we get locked up for being crazy drunks.

    By Blogger Ang, at 10:47 PM  

  • Jesus Christ, I think I'm going to wake up with a hangover just from reading that. You put us rugby boys to shame. I thought we could drink a lot. I was wrong.

    By Blogger VeryApeAZ, at 1:10 PM  

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