Dream Board.....Really?

I DVR Ms. Oprah every day. God knows I've grown up with Oprah, but I really only started watching her in the past several months....when my life really fell apart.

No, I am not a screaming, suburban white woman....Nor a teary-eyed single mother of two (nor any teary-eyed person, for that matter).

I do, however, sometimes get inspired by our moral gatekeeper: Oprah.

Love her!

Ya know what?? I actually did get inspired by the whole "dream board" thing. Seriously.

The idea comes from a book called The Promise. The jist is to envision what you want in life and then make a bulletin board or list with those things on it...somewhere where you'll see it everyday. Then you are always thinking about the possibilities and you naturally start creating a path that leads to those good outcomes.

I guess my upstairs neighbor watches Oprah, because his list is coming true for him every weekend....He's either a serial killer or a hot dude because there is always some sort of female moaning going on at all hours of the night up there (note to self: if a few Minneapolis women go missing....we know where to look). I'm guessing he envisioned all this lust for himself and it's clearly coming true (unless he's killing people, of course). Sidenote: Wow -- Is there a porn movie being filmed upstairs? Oh -- somebody just stomped, or fell off a bed.....or got violently shoved on the floor. It's not for me to say....

Back to the point: I think my own Oprahfication is starting to pay off!

Leading up to Oprah's Dream Board:

I had the worst late 2007 ever. I got fired for no real reason (I really wasn't given a reason and was performing well -- not to use the "gay card," but my boss really was a homophobe). Anyway, after being fired, I got the attitude of "well, just fuck everything then!" THEN, my boyfriend (the first I've actually cared about in 6 years) dumped my ass....for having a "fuck it" attitude after being fired. THEN -- I got a new job that is....well, just punishment for being a negative person.

And then along came Oprah.

I saw that "dream board" episode and just got typically bitchy / bitter about it. Here I am, laying on the couch in 3-day old pajamas with M&Ms and booze bottles all over the goddamn living room thinking, "Yeah right, lady...."

But then I saw some people who really felt that envisioning their happiness helped them (I know -- puke, right?). But they did make me start to think...

Well, I thought I can either sit here and continue being miserable and bitchy or do something about it.

I made that damn list. Here are the first few items:

1. Wake up on Monday and not scream bloody murder

2. Make good commission (and therefore, quit worrying about bills / money every damn day)

And guess what?? Two weeks later, I was connected to a new job opportunity out of the blue by a former colleague. They found me...I wasn't even looking! They asked if I would come in and meet them....everything sounded great and exactly what's missing from current job. The meeting went well and long story short, they made me an offer to join their team and I accepted! The base salary and commission plan are both better than what I had at the job that fired me for no reason....I just "know" this is going to work out for me (even though the job isn't in downtown Minneapolis, where I prefer to work, it's in a suburb, but oh well)!

And that's the first of many things to come, I think. For instance (after landing a new job that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists every morning), now I will focus on the rest of my list:

3. Buy a condo downtown (with a view) - until I can afford a real house.....

4. Buy furniture and get rid of the "1976 American Garage Sale" theme that I've had since college

5. Meet a good looking, classy, smart, stylish, fun, charismatic guy who thinks I'm the one --- and who would never get rid of me....even if I ever happen to be in the gutter

6. Eat more of what my upstairs neighbor is eating (unless it's va-jay-jay or humans)

7. Get a cool old house in the Kenwood neighborhood

8. Drive a black Mercedes

9. Retire at or before 60

10. Not die alone


So.....Thanks, Oprah! Now I have a headache from forcing myself to be happy....it's an acquired feeling that I'm sure I'll get used to!

Black Thursday

Yeah, Happy Valentines Day. I don't really even know why I realized that it is V-Day....Oh, that's right. Because everyone at work has to fucking talk about it all fucking morning.

The last time I was with someone for V-Day was 2001.

Oh well....Maybe next year! In the meantime, I'll continue to enjoy the good things about being single, like doing whatever I want!

Tonight I plan to go to Walgreens and stomp on a few boxes of chocolate, tear up a few Valentine cards and whip some shit around. Then calmly exit (before the police arrive).

Traffic Can be Dangerous

The 2000 movie, Traffic, starring Michael Douglas and the always-lovely, Catherine Zeta Jones, was on TV last night. I DVR'd it (in case you're not familiar with DVR, it's the same as Tivo).

I had a sort of "flashback" while watching it this evening. Something I had forgotten about. Allow me to become Sophia Petrillo-esque for a moment, will you?

PICTURE IT:
South Chicago - 2001
I was 23, a year out of college, and had just moved to Chicago from Minnesota. In a quest to find a job, I was using the computer lab at Moraine Valley Community College (somewhere in the south suburbs --- if you're familiar with Chicagoland, I was living in Oak Lawn at the time with a college friend and his roommate).

Naturally, my Internet job search also ventured into seeking a boyfriend and/or a few gay friends with whom to hang out.

On Gay.Com, I met a closeted Chicago cop. We started e-mailing back and forth.

After a couple weeks, I agreed to meet him at a total south Chicago neighborhood bar -- I think it was near Hyde Park. The people were all of Irish or Polish heritage, anyway...

Well, he turned out to be kinda interesting and good looking (even though he arrived about 30 minutes late). Hi -- It's a Chicago cop. I didn't question his timeliness. We agreed to go to his house to hang out since it was kinda loud in that little bar.

The first thing that struck me as kind of odd was that he insisted that I was a college student. I reminded him a couple times that I had actually finished college the year previous. Then, he said that on our way to his place (we drove seperate), that I should go into the liqour store and buy beer. Not just "some" beer, but a 12-pack of Heineken. At 23 and unemployed, buying Heineken was like buying Giorgio when Designer Imposter would suffice. Also, he's 31 and gainfully employed, yet tells me to go buy expensive beer....I should have just kept driving home.

Well, we get to his place and I "listen" as he proceeds to explain to me the intricacies of being a closeted Chicago cop and how annoying it is to see the "Gay Cops" float in Pride parades, etc. Being 23, in new city and pretty inexperienced, I just thought "whatever."

THEN -- he proceeded to keep calling me college boy and kept insisting that Minneapolis sucks compared to Chicago and how the skyline in Minneapolis has nothing on Chicago's. I did manage to declare: "Well, first of all....I'm not from Minneapolis. I'm from Minnesota, but not the Twin Cities metro area, so I don't really care. Also, I'm not a college boy anymore. Finally, I would hope that Chicago is "better" and has a more impressive skyline, considering it's about 2-3 times bigger than Minneapolis / St. Paul."

With that, we put in the movie Traffic (a very good movie, BTW).

Then, yes, I did wind up hooking up w/ his Gay Chicago Cop arrogant ass.

In my own defense (if I'm even allowed anymore at this point), he did call me a few days later and I didn't call him back.

So, anyway, the movie Traffic just reminded me of that little story.

PS /// South Chicago cop, Steve --- We don't care if your skyline is better. Jerk.

Gays Mills? No, Gay's Movies...

Friends have been borrowing movies from my collection lately.

In an effort to take inventory of my DVD collection (there are still VHS too, but we won't count those yet), I offer you:

The. Gayest. Movie. Collection. EVEEERRRRR!!!!!! (in alphabetical order)

1. 9 to 5
2. A Place in the Sun (Liz Taylor)
3. A River Runs Through It
4. The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert
5. Alex & Emma (shitty movie randomly sent to me by Columbia House)
6. All Over the Guy
7. Biloxi Blues
8. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (Liz Taylor)
9. Closer
10. Clueless
11. Cruel Intentions
12. Empire of the Sun
13. Erin Brockovich
14. The Goonies
15. Gosford Park
16. Gypsy
17. Hoosiers
18. Hope and Glory
19. Hush
20. Jawbreaker
21. La Bamba
22. Mean Girls
23. Mommie Dearest
24. My Best Friend's Wedding
25. Office Space
26. One True Thing
27. Ordinary People
28. The Others
29. Peggy Sue Got Married
30. Postcards from the Edge
31. Riding in Cars With Boys
32. The Royal Tenenbaums
33. The Rules of Attraction
34. Shag
35. Sixteen Candles
36. Splendor in the Grass
37. Stand by Me
38. Steel Magnolias
39. Stepmom
40. The Sweetest Thing
41. Terms of Endearment
42. There's Something About Mary
43. Titanic
44. V - The Original Mini-Series
45. V- The Final Battle (God only knows why I have these)
46. Vacation
47. Walk the Line
48. War of the Worlds
49. Wet, Hot American Summer
50. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (Liz Taylor)
51. Wonder Woman: Season One

STOLEN (by some cute breeder guy who shared a cab with me and said, "Dude, I just need a place to stay tonight....my friends left me....Do you mind?")

1. Chicago
2. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
3. American Beauty
4. Animal House
5. Dazed and Confused
6. A couple more that I can't think of yet....


I'm guessing he pawned them for cigarette money the next day...And this is why I never trust breeders anymore. All I got in return was his socks (that I threw away). I guess still-drunk straight guys don't notice the "no socks effect" when they put on their shoes.....Must be the fact that they're making away with a bunch of free DVDs. Bastards!

I will get even. Oh, I *will* get even.....