Tuesday, March 07, 2006


I'm in a self-induced predicament...kinda.

Lately I can't stop thinking about and missing my ex. We broke up in 2001. Pretty pathetic, huh?? The reasoning is two-fold: he was an awesome boyfriend who was very good for me and I'm sick of being single and alone all the time.

I was just so young, ignorant and inexperienced when we were together, that I didn't know how good I had it with him. We started dating just a few months after I came out and stayed together more than two years. Of course I thought if we broke up I'd find a new guy in seconds. Basically treated him like he was replaceable and lucky I was there.

I was a brat to him a lot. He's 11 years older than I, but we were really good together and usually got along very well, generally just enjoying each others' company and interested/finding humor in a lot of the same things. Plus he's pretty good looking too!

Anyway, we broke up mutually and have remained friends. He's had a "new" boyfriend for 4 years now, but I know they're really more like roommates for the past couple years (this comes from several of my sources who still talk to him). We send Xmas cards, an occassional email and see each other once or twice per year.

Should I tell him that I regret not being with him anymore? Should I tell him anything?? He lives more than two hours away and the last I knew (when we were still together), has no desire to move to Minneapolis and I have no desire to live back in Winona...

Otherwise, since we'd probably never get back together, how do you meet new people in a city that's kinda stuck up and/or already has established circles of friends who aren't too interested in talking to new people? Do you approach someone in a bar if you think they seem cool and cute? What do you say to them?? I'm not in to sports, so some sort of gay sports league isn't going to happen. I've half-assed attempted the Yahoo and Match personals, etc. Have made a couple friends doing that, but never seem to have mutual chemistry.

I've been doing the "When I'm not looking, I'll meet someone" thing for a few years now. Clearly it's not working. I'm sick of sitting home alone every Sunday - Thursday night. And I can't really go out drinking during the week because it's too hard for me to wake up for work in the morning.

Oy vay - what to do?!

I need a gay, Yiddish matchmaker.


  • I feel your pain in many ways. But the only thing I can say is that it takes a lot of work meeting new people. You have to be willing to swallow a little pride and make the effort to make plans. That's what I had to do when I moved here (I knew NO ONE). Overall it paid off. I made some great friends and I'm dating again for the first time in years.

    I know this isn't the easy answer but it's worked for me. It's also not perfect. I'm going through a big weeding out of superflous "friends" right now which is kind of painful but I wouldn't trade my last year for anything (joy and pain included).

    : )

    By Blogger potusol, at 6:13 PM  

  • It's really difficult to "go back." Even if you've changed for the better, he is not the same person you knew.

    Stick with Minneapolis and find someone nice there. There are a lot of nice people who don't go out drinking. You might want to explore some of the gay clubs, associations and sports teams. It's worth a shot.


    By Blogger VeryApeAZ, at 11:48 PM  

  • Megmonster is going through the same thing. My advice to her was don't settle for less than you deserve. Even though it sucks to be alone, it sucks more to be stuck with someone who does not make your life better. You deserve the best so hang in there until he comes along.

    By Blogger Ang, at 8:56 PM  

  • As a very wise woman once told me: It takes an awfully good man to beat no man at all. Hang in there.

    By Blogger Twinkie, at 2:50 PM  

  • I still miss my ex sometimes (we lived together for 3 years and broke up in early 2003) Then I try and remember why it is we arent together and for a second I remember what it was like living in the same house with him. I broke it off twice before he agreed to leave.

    I still miss him tho, and seeing each other in public gets us both mega uncomfortable.

    I know what you are going thru!

    By Blogger The Persian, at 1:20 PM  

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